Contributed by Marian Fuchs
The Collington Discussion-Group has brought news, gossip, amusement, entertainment, solace and comfort to residents during the covid crisis. One thing it brought to its members in late April was a spurt of literary creativity in the form of limericks. Here is the collection, introduced and curated by website editor, Julia Freeman.
The first one appeared on April 21, created by Lyle Dennison. Following this, Nadine Hathaway issued a challenge to the community to keep sending more. Residents responded for several days with 20 examples.
Here is Lyle’s first:
When facing a new kind of threat
We’re told to hide under the bed
But, really, THAT can’t be the solution:
Under there, dust is just more pollution
And the social distance makes us sick in the head.
Lyle Dennison Limerick
Lyle went on to post several more:
There once was a realtor from New Yawk
Who said covid was a day in the pawk
Soon we all realized, and now must remember
That a reckoning comes due in November
When those who survive can say, “Take a walk”
From a friendly source of an occasional rhyme.
An idled scribbler, shut in with too much time:
Being shutdown makes some kinda squirrely
Others are getting a bit surly
But good Santa, he loaned us some elves
Who fill up the Country Store shelves
And now we have Christmas early!
Clap your hands for Dr. Fauci
(Don’t need to get all feely and touchy)
At the podium he’s really so great
Tells us the truth, full and straight
Best of all, he makes the President grouchy
The virus makes us so sad and blue
We have no real idea what to do
But no need to hurry
To be all fretful and worry
Cause the President says ’tis only the flu
The checks, they said, were going out soon,
Delighted, to Trump we cheered “You make us swoon!”
Then on TV we watched a White House brief,
And found,to our everlasting grief,
That their value will slump if banks open too soon
Nadine Hathaway got the challenge going with:
Wisely closed the schools, the eateries, the factory
But then so quickly came the quack-ery
“Scientists, doctors, what do they know?
We want football, a manicure, the rodeo!”
Good grief, me stay home and make a daiquiri
There once was a singer named Callas
Who told us she lived in a palace
Her voice it did falter
Her fans they did alter
“You ought to sing more of de Lassus”
In no particular order, others rose to the challenge.
First an oldie:
There once was an owl in a wood
Who sang hymns to himself when he could.
What the words were about
He could never make out,
But he felt it was doing him good.
Now an original:
There once was a virus so cruel
That we shut every shop, church, and school.
What to do in this mess
We could barely assess,
But we all knew the 6-foot rule.
Don Lewis submitted:
Armageddon is on us I think
Peoples’ futures have gone down the sink
Covid, locusts, and war
Hatreds, famine, and more
And my coffee pot’s gone on the blink
One of my all-time favorites:
A dashing young gourmet named Pettibone,
Took pate de foi gras and spread it on,
A chocolate biscuit; then murmured, “I’ll risk it!”
His tomb bears the date that he said it on.
A diner while dining at Crewe
Found a very large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter “Don’t shout
And wave it about,
Or the others will be wanting one too!”
There once was a monk from Siberia
Life grew drearier and drearier.
Then strange to tell
He escaped from his cell
And eloped with the Mother Superior.
There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why that was,
He replied “It’s because
I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can.”
I live with some wonderful folks
who share their thoughts and their jokes
though i am often weary
though never teary
I just wish this whole thing WAS a hoax
Though China was where it’s begun,
Now around the whole world it has run.
But for deaths and for cases,
Trump’s favorite phrase is:
“America’s now Number One!”
(Sad but true. And avoidable.)
To avoid catching Covid-19
Keep your distance, two meters between.
If Trump makes you grouchy
Just listen to Fauci;
you’re Irish, go lower poteen. [Poteen (“pa-CHEEN”) = moonshine]
So the challenge may be “redux”,
But our present circumstance sucks.
Confined to our quarters,
We may all become hoarders,
One example of life now in flux.
The prez may think it’s a hoax
But covid targets us old folks
So, advice to geezers:
Please avoid sneezers
And other boorish blokes